The real drama of Oscars night is not who's going to win Best Picture. No, the real drama is closer to home. It's this: How the hell are you expected to watch the ceremony at home if you don't pay for cable? And, if you are paying for cable (as I do), why? (???) Should I be on YouTube Red or something? Am I throwing money out the window? I do like the DVR situation I've got going on where I let the broadcast run for 20 minutes before tuning in so that I can zip through all the commercials. Feels like that's worth the money. And who am I kidding—my roommate pays the cable bill. I live like a queen.
Anyway, if you're able to find a broadcast of the Oscars this Sunday, please throw a party for those poor souls who don't own a TV. Having friends over is the best way to make it through four hours (five if you include Red Carpet coverage—and you should, as ITG will be live-tweeting this part) of pop culture deep-diving. Everyone in Hollywood will be fancy—but you don't have to be. Given that it's Sunday and all hours post-6PM are considered "bedtime," slip on some presentable pajamas, uncork a nice bottle of Italian red, and settle in for what would be a nice spa night in with friends except that Jimmy Kimmel makes an appearance. See you Sunday!
Pajamas, as already established. But maybe not your college sweats and that L.L.Bean top that's meant for camping. Instead, upgrade to something like Asceno. The Australian brand trades in silk PJ sets chic enough to wear to your Monday meeting as well—a very directional outfit, sure, but also a comfortable and sophisticated one. The patterned and flattering separates speak to a number of holes in your wardrobe you've been meaning to fill—really, you can't afford not to buy them.
What's a Sunday without a moody candle? Byredo's newly released Woods works if you're looking to brood. Lumira Sicilian Citrus is a bit brighter and more inviting. Trim the wick, light an hour or so before guests arrive to get the scent flowing, and blow it out before you pass out. The rules of candle care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would know. (Bonus points if you can name the film reference.)
Besides my award-winning guac and whatever you're feeling on Seamless? How about a couple of cases of Ramona wine coolers (produced by the fabulous Jordan Salcito) and a couple boxes of Lord Jones' CBD gummies—or the THC ones if you're in a state where that's chill. Together, they'll either zone you out completely or give you a fun sugar rush. Both work! And don't forget to tip your delivery guy.
Not red carpet glam, but equally frivolous is the Estée Lauder Advanced Night Repair Concentrated Recovery PowerFoil Mask. What can I say? It's a sheet mask; it's pretty hydrating; it's good for selfies. And it's silver! Not exactly like an Oscar, but pretty close!
Also not an Oscar, but I can't get my mind off these gold nails Gelcream did for us a few weeks ago. (Photo 6 with that Champagne in a cordial glass.) It's China Glaze in Best Ponies Forever from the My Little Pony collab they did last year. Kitsch-level notwithstanding, I think Best Ponies Forever sounds like a great film name. Maybe next year. What do you say, Guillermo Del Toro?
Photo via Getty.
Also, here is a mask you can make while you watch the Oscars at home with all the people you've ever met.